Republican Tourettes Syndrome  (RTS)
08-26-06
MPG

GOP Candidate Says 9/11 Attacks Were a Hoax (i.e. arranged by elements in the U.S. government)
A quote from the article...."A Republican candidate for this area's congressional seat said Wednesday that the U.S. government was complicit in the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks."

This has to be a typo... a Republican voluntarily telling the truth!  It's an established scientific fact that Republicans "can't handle the truth".

If a Republican attempts to voluntarily tell the truth one of three things will happen immediately.  One : They suffer violent seizures as parts of their brain, never ever used before, attempt to function.  Two : They burst into flames as a result of spontaneous human combustion.  Three : Their hands reach up of their own accord and they choke themselves to death.  So there has to be some other explanation for the incident.

It's much more likely that the incident was caused by a version of the well known "Republican Tourettes Syndrome" (RTS).  This is a very rare and feared disorder among Republicans where under intense pressure one of them may accidentally blurt out the truth.  Such an incident recently happened during one of Bush's press conferences, where an obviously inexperienced an undisciplined reporter asked Bush "What did Iraq have to do with...""the attack on the World Trade Center", Bush's reply was "nothing...".  An appallingly truthful statement, but that was Bush.

For any normal healthy Republican to actually, voluntarily, let the truth pass their lips is an unheard of event.

The report however does come from a reputable and reliable source, truthout.com.

So there must be some alternative explanation for the event besides RTS.  To prevent undue alarm it must be stated beforehand that the alternative theory described below should be considered highly speculative.  In fact it's most probable that many of those well versed in the demanding discipline of Republicanology will dismiss the theory.  It is also very likely that many of the most prominent authorities in Republicnology will flatly state the theory is a physical, sociological, and psychological impossibility and contradicts all known scientific literature on the subject.  Many others will state the theory is an affront to our community and the social values which knit us together in our glorious and harmonious framework.

Those who are about to read what is to be set forth should therefore be cautioned.  You may very well be horrified by what is proposed, some of you  may even be traumatized or made physically ill.  So for those of you who are faint of heart or weak of constitution, you are strongly advised not to read any further  Again it must be stressed the theory outlined below is highly unlikely.

It is conceivable that a new breed of Republicans has arisen; due to genetic drift, some horrible mutation, some awful random set of events.  A breed of Republicans that are actually able to tell the truth without suffering immediate severe physical or mental impairment.  A breed of Republicans that may not respond solely to the lure of money.  A breed of Republicans that may espouse ideas without first carefully checking with the lobbyist-minders assigned the task of guiding them down the correct path.

It is understood that this theory will deeply alarm many of the wealthy elites in our country and the lobbyists-minders they finance.  It is also understood that if true, this new breed could threaten the very foundation of our civilization and bring about the collapse of mankind as we know it. But again everyone must realize that it's just a theory, a conjecture, an insubstantial wisp of what might be and not what is, only offered so such tendencies can be nipped in the bud if they're actually present in our society .

All of us should therefore remain calm in this time of crisis.  We should look to ourselves and stamp out any unnatural desires to tell the truth.  We should rigorously discipline our children  to make sure such  deviant behaviors are kept to a minimum. We must keep an eye out for those among us who exhibit perverted urges to investigate the facts.  And most importantly we must report any citizens who display such aberrant behavior to the proper authorities.

This entire incident will have to be thoroughly investigated before a true determination can be made.  To help expedite such efforts everyone should join together to propose the establishment of a commission which would be empowered to use all the scientific means at their disposable to help shed light on this grave issue.

Again it should be stated as forcefully as possible that it’s only a theory, our wealthy elites, the glorious ones we worship, the guiding lights of our country, should remain as calm as possible and not panic until all the facts are in.

MPG